Depression and Hope..Part 1

Depression, it’s such an ugly word. There are many negative assumptions that are placed with someone who is depressed. Different stereotypes that aren’t always necessarily true. But like everything in this world, people have their own opinions. So I wanted to take some time and share with you what I have learned from dealing with depression—basically my opinion!

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way a medical expert, nor have I ever taken the time to study the link between the brain and depression. My hope for this post is to shed some light on what a believer with depression deals with, and how we can gain a better grip on it. I am hoping to show that believers can suffer from this too, and it doesn’t make them any less of a believer. PLEASE take the time to do your own research, and come up with your own thoughts on the subject, and reach out to me with what you have learned! I love learning new information! But PLEASE do NOT take my word as gold.

Depression is something that I have been dealing with, and since having kids it has seems to have slowly gotten worse, and I have had to reach out for some help from my doctors. So this isn’t a subject that I haven’t had any experience in, but it’s something that I struggle with daily.

First I want to talk about who our depression affects the most, besides ourselves.

1.) Our spouses/significant others. When I am dealing with my depression I get very angry, emotional, and exhausted. When I am all those things, my husband is the one who suffers the most. He has to deal with my bursts of anger, my bursts of crying, and me not being able to get myself out of bed in the mornings. After working an 8 hour day, my husband then has to come home and deal with the kids, and pick up the slack from me literally doing nothing. He has to deal with me getting nasty with him, and then uncontrollably crying into his chest because of what I did or said. He also deals with coming in our room, multiple times in the morning, and asking me when I am planning on getting up, and gently reminding me that he has to work. So to say that he has to pick up the slack is an understatement. This man is a true man of God, and he truly shows me the love of the Lord.

2.) Our children. Children are hard enough if you don’t deal with depression. But children on top of depression, oh my goodness! Every scream, every tantrum, every question, makes me want to go hide in my room. Because of that I end up feeling even worse, because I feel like I am neglecting my children. So not only do they deal with a distant mommy, but then they are also dealing with an angry mommy. A mommy who they don’t know if she will be happy, or snap at them, when she wakes up in the morning. It’s not fair to their little hearts.

3.) Our friends and extended family. When feeling depressed, a lot of times you want to just lock yourself in your room and not speak to a single person. At least that’s what I mostly do. Whenever we’re invited to go do something, we tend to just say no, and we just stay at home. In my case, this makes my depression worse. Shutting myself out from the world makes it worse. However, I don’t think about that in the moment. So friends and extended family suffer because we cut them off. We ignore them, we make them wonder if they did anything to us to make us upset with them. We risk the possibility of damaging a relationship with them. It’s not fair to them, and I don’t expect them to understand either.

4.) Our church family. Now, if you don’t attend church then this isn’t something that you have to deal with. However, in my case, being a Pastor’s wife, I definitely have to think about them. We’ve already established that when we’re depressed we don’t feel like leaving our home, and interacting with others. So when I get into my depressed state of mind, going to church is the last thing I want to do. Sounds awful, I know. Being a Pastor’s wife is something that isn’t appealing to me. Having to go to church and put on a fake smile is exhausting. I love my church, and everyone in it. I love being able to be their Pastor’s wife, and to minister to them. I LOVE IT. So knowing that I have neglected ministering to them, it breaks my heart. Shutting myself off to them, and putting on a fake smile (and let’s be real, they know when it’s fake), is NOT fair to them. Trying to rush out before I have to speak to anyone is NOT fair. Leaving my husband to have to minister to them by himself, is NOT fair. Whether I like it or not, my depression really affects them as well.

5.) Our relationship with the Lord. This is the big one, and the most important one. Again, if you aren’t a believer then this one won’t matter much to you. Being depressed cuts myself off from the Lord. I don’t go to Him in prayer, I don’t read His Word. I completely cut myself off. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because I know I’m being sinful, maybe it’s because at that moment I don’t want a feeling of relief. I just want to be miserable. Which I don’t, but when depression is so strong, staying in it seems easier then trying to get out. When I cut myself off from the Lord, it makes it so much harder to pull myself out of depression. I forget that I have this Almighty God who is screaming at me to pull myself together and to turn back to Him! But the problem is, Satan gets such a strong grip on us, and it makes us feel hopeless. Even though this is something we’re dealing with, God still loves us! But Satan can use our depression to make us feel worthless, and that we don’t deserve the love of the Lord. Our relationship, with the Lord, really takes a beating!

These 5 people/groups of people, are the ones that really suffer when we are depressed. We never mean to hurt them, but when we’re depressed we just tend to focus on ourselves and how we’re feeling. We don’t think about others. Basically, we’re just being plain selfish and sinful. I know, I don’t like admitting that either, but it’s true. Some days it feels like there is no hope, and no way out. But my friends, let me tell you, there is hope, and there is a way out! We just have to be strong enough to take that first step to overcome this.

I’m ending it here, but don’t worry, there is hope through all of this. I will share more about this hope next time! Until then, be well my friends, and God bless you all!