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Posted on December 12, 2022
One thing that I really can’t stand is when I feel like I have failed. I may not have failed, but I may think that I have. When I get that feeling, it’s so hard for me to shake it off. (Que Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off song!) When I get in the feeling of failing, I automatically give up whatever I’m trying to do, and I go into depression. I start thinking how I can’t ever do anything right, and how I’m never going to achieve the goal that I’m wanting to. Even though I know all of that isn’t true, I can’t seem to get myself to believe it.
If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 months now. Within those 2 months I’ve lost 29lbs and 2oz! Now, I know that’s really great, and I’m honestly really proud of myself! But it’s hard to not feel like I’ve been failing at this whole weight loss journey as well.
Over Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to enjoy the time with my family, and not be so strict on what I was eating, or when. I completely went off my weight loss journey, and I just enjoyed my time. At the time I was so glad that I did that. I didn’t eat nearly what I used to, and I didn’t force myself to eat either. So I felt like I did really well. However, because I gave myself that break, it ended up putting me into a spiral that I’ve been struggling with gaining control back. Not to mention all the tummy issues I was having!! That definitely showed me that my digestive system cannot handle what I used to eat!
I’ve allowed myself to go in a spiral of eating whatever I want, or snacking on things that I know I shouldn’t. It’s been hard for me to not go to the victim mentality, but to admit that I’m doing it to myself. When I allow myself to play the victim role, I allow myself to be opened to depression and Satan taking those feelings and using them to bring me down.
Basically, all my struggles have been wanting to start eating the way I use to. When I snack, I remind myself what things taste like, and it’s hard for me to step away from the food. Food is truly an addiction to me, and right now I feel like I’m starting over on the withdrawl symptoms!
This morning I started a new workout routine. I woke up at 5am, had my first meal, and then started working out at 5:30am. Beachbody on Demand has a program with Autumn Calabrese that I’m using. I really enjoy her workouts, because they push me where I need to be pushed, but she does so well to make them doable by someone who doesn’t workout much! This program is only 4 days for 30 minutes! It’s perfect for me, and my current phase of life. I’m able to get a workout in before the kids wake up, and finish in time to help them get ready for school. I have it planned to workout Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My goal is to stick with this program for a week. Obviously, the big goal is to do the entire program, but I have to take baby steps!
I’m tired of allowing Satan to have control of my emotions, and I’m ready to take control back and give it all to the Lord. I know I haven’t failed, but I also know that I haven’t been practicing the self-control like I need to. My goal this week is to take that control back! I know it will not be easy, but I also know I can do it. Again, one step at a time, and one goal at a time! When I have to make dinner for my family, and I’m really wanting to sneak a bite, I’m going to step back, pray, and take a drink of water. If the feelings are still there, then I need to reach out to my husband for his support and ask him to finish whatever it is I’m making. I know he wants me to succeed, and so I know he’ll be ready to help me!
My friends, it can be so hard to forgive ourselves. Trust me, I know. But I believe there is a power in forgiving ourselves. Now, I don’t mean the power you would see in the movies or read in books. I mean the power that I believe the Lord gives us to overcome all these struggles!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
These are the fruits of the Spirit that the Lord allows us to have. There are three of them that I want to point out.
Forbearance: Forbearance means patience, restraint, tolerance. In other translations, forbearance is replaced with patience. The Lord gives us the fruit of patience, restraint, tolerance. Knowing this, I want to be patient with myself, allowing myself to learn and to grow. No matter how hard it may be!
Gentleness: When you see this word, you may not fully understand why this is one that I want to point out. After all, I’m talking about the way I view, and feel, about myself. When you think of gentleness, you automatically think about being gentle to others. But I’m using it because I need to be gentle with myself. I’m my worse critic. I will bash myself and be the first one to point out everything negative about myself. That isn’t fair to me. The Lord created me in His image, and I need to be gentle with His creation! Yes, I need to have control, and I need to practice tough love for myself. But I also need to remember to be gentle with myself, because I am working on something that has had control over me.
Self-Control: I know no one likes self-control. I don’t like self-control! But it’s such an important piece! Without self-control, we wouldn’t be able to take care of ourselves properly. I need to learn self-control when I’m cooking dinner, or at an event for our church. I need to know that the joy that I feel in that bite of pasta will not be there all the time. It’s a temporary joy that will eventually be replaced with a feeling of failure. Strengthening this fruit of the Spirit will place a tremendous impact on my health journey from now on.
That is where I’m currently at in my weight loss journey. I know that I have a long way to go, but I also know that I have a faithful God who will be there for me every step of the way! Remember, friends, be patient with yourself, and give yourself grace!
Until next time!
Posted on November 7, 2022
Most of you know that 5 weeks ago, I started this new health journey. It hasn’t been easy at all, but it has been rewarding. In 5 weeks I’ve lost 20lbs and 2oz. If I was comfortable enough with telling you my starting weight, then you’d understand why this is an enormous accomplishment for me! However, there have been some major struggles that I’ve been dealing with. The biggest one has been the cravings. I’ve never wanted pizza as bad as I do right now. The struggle to not just eat anything I can find, but to actually discipline myself and make myself control these cravings.
One thing that I’ve been learning through this new healthy journey is the importance of a healthy mindset.
A habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations
onelook.com
Mindset is our mental attitude, which will determine how we respond to something. Basically, if we go into a situation thinking how awful it’s going to be, then we’re going to make it a struggle for ourselves. I tell my oldest, if you go to school thinking that you’re going to have a bad day, then guess what! You’re going to have a bad day! Our mindsets control our attitude more than what we may want to admit.
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve woken up with the mindset that I’m grumpy and hungry. I’ve allowed that mindset to control my day and my attitude! Because of that, I’ve cried to my husband about how hungry I am, smelling the foods that I can’t eat, sneaking small little tastes of things and then feeling guilty over it, and so much more. If I had the mindset of being in control of these cravings and desires, I sometimes wonder how much easier it would be!
Gaining control of our mindsets is the first step. There have been many times where I’ve liked to blame my mindset on other things. Whether it be the environment I’m in, my mental health (depression, anxiety, etc.), the food itself, any hormonal moments, really anything as long as I’m not blaming myself. But that right there is the problem! I’m not taking as much responsibility as I could.
When we place blame on others, we give away our power and surrender control, and we place the cause and reason outside of ourselves. When we decide we are the dominant force in our lives, we are taking back our power and responsibility, and the cause now lies inside ourselves.
Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
I know I can’t be the only one who read that and thought, oh wow! I never took time to really think about how blaming others takes my power over my control away from me. It’s always easier to blame someone else for the mistakes, pain, lack of control, whatever it is, it’s easier to blame them than ourselves. But what happens to our mindset when we decide we will not take responsibility?
This leads to a state of internal unrest, anxiety, and a highly stressed state, all of which are unhealthy for your body, mind, and overall wellbeing. It also leads to bad habits, like emotional eating, increased alcohol intake, drug dependency, internet and smartphone addiction, gambling, stress, and depression.
Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
Who would’ve thought that our mindset could truly control these different things? Before I began this health journey, I never really realized how important a healthy mindset was to my success. I figured as long as I followed the “rules” I would be fine. While that is technically true, imagine how much easier it would be if I had the right, healthy mindset to go along with it! Gaining control of your mindset starts with not putting blame on others. We need to take responsibility for our mindset and not expect others to fix it.
My friends, it will not be easy. It’s not something that you’re going to wake up and fix that day. This is something that’s going to take years to gain control of. But one of the most important steps is that we see that we’re struggling in this area, and we begin to fix it! I promise you, you will have many days that you will cry, blame others again, feel so defeated, and probably give in to your cravings. But if we continually work on it, and we really try to change the way we think of situations, then we’re going to see how incredible we can be when we are in control!
You need to be your own chief advocate on your journey and have the ability to minimize anything or anybody throwing you off track.
Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
There is so much more to learn when it comes to a healthy mindset. I believe it’s something that every day we’ll learn something new, and every day we’ll be surprised with how much we can overcome when we take control and responsibility of our mindsets! I do not claim to be an expert, because I’m only 5 weeks into learning about this myself! However, I can tell you how easier your day is when you have a healthy control of your mindset!
Until next time, friends!
Posted on August 22, 2022
Hello friends! It has definitely been quite some time since I have posted anything on here! My, how the times have changed, and things have just gotten even crazier! So let’s start with a little life update!
When I first began this blog, we were living in a small upstate New York town. My husband was pastoring a small church there, and we had lived in this town for close to 7 years. We loved the town, and all the people that we grew very close to. However, the Lord slowly showed us that it wasn’t where we were meant to be anymore. My husband then put his resume into different churches that were looking for a new pastor. I had known that things at our current church were no longer good, but had turned more toxic. My husband was coming home from meetings so discouraged and upset. He no longer felt he could minister there anymore, as he was being fought at every turn. I was hesitant to move because I had some really amazing friends there, and are our kids grew up there! I had known we were meant to close the chapter with the church, but why couldn’t we just stay in our town? Couldn’t my husband find somewhere else to do the Lord’s work while remaining living there? Can you believe that? Could I BE anymore selfish?? (Now say that with Chandler Bing style. If you know, you know.) I knew I needed to let go of my desire and trust that the Lord knew what He was doing and knew where He was leading us. So my husband then went through the interview processes with a couple of churches, and there was one church that we really connected to. So, on February 12th, 2022, we moved to an even smaller farm town in Pennsylvania where my husband is now pastoring! And guess what, we couldn’t be happier!
Yes, it was hard for quite a bit of time. The kids, especially our oldest who is 11, struggled the most with this change. But now if you ask her if she would want to move back to where we were, she would say no. She would say she would want to go visit more, because there are people she misses, but she loves her school, and the church, and is happy where we are. Dealing with this change had come in so many different emotions, and learning to handle them has been difficult. I wanted my kids, and myself, to feel the loss of the friends that we had because I felt it was important. But I also wanted them to understand that when we follow the plan that the Lord has for us, there are blessings in that! I wanted them to understand that they still had to be respectful to my husband and I, and even to the new church members that they would meet. It didn’t take long for them to fall in love with the area and church. For that, I am so thankful that the Lord allowed it to be a bit easier than we expected!
Change is inevitable, and also never easy! I don’t claim to be an expert in dealing with change, because I am not perfect at that, believe me! I still fight change when I can, but there is one verse I had clung to during this whole transition. In fact, I cling to it every day, because it is my life verse.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
As much as I struggled with many emotions about moving, I knew that none of them would compare to the plans that the Lord had for us! I knew He wasn’t doing this to us to hurt us, or to make our children want nothing to do with Him, but He did this because He was giving us hope and a future! He was giving us a future that I never saw for our family, and it’s so much better than the plan I would’ve had!
Since we’ve moved, there have been many blessings that I never really knew our family needed. Would we have gotten these blessings if we stayed where I wanted? I’m not sure, because thankfully we didn’t stick with my selfish desires. I do know that I don’t have the desire to find out what could’ve been. Did I struggle with the change? Yes. Do I still sometimes struggle with the change? Yes, but only when it comes to missing certain people. Am I going to not live a life pleasing to the Lord because we aren’t where I thought we should be? Absolutely not! If anything, moving here has ignited a bigger desire to know, love, learn, and live for the Lord!
My friends, the Lord has that perfect plan for you! I’m not saying that everything will always be good, because we all know it won’t be! Even when we follow the Lord’s plans for our lives, we are still going to experience trials!
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4 NIV
Trials are going to happen, whether or not we follow the plans that the Lord has for us. However, these trials are going to produce steadfastness in us, and a hope that we can only have in the Lord! Friends, I encourage you to continue trusting in the Lord, and surrendering your life to the plans that He has in place for you! The joy you will receive will be overwhelming!
Until next time!!
Faith and Coffee 