My two oldest girls just started school today, one is in 7th grade and the other is in kindergarten. As I watched them waiting for the bus, from our living room window, I said a prayer to the Lord. I asked Him to protect them, to give them a good day, for them to hold on to their love for the Lord, to allow my 5 year old to adjust well to kindergarten, and that they would be given some amazing friends. Once they left, I thought a little more about the prayer that I just said for my kids. There was nothing wrong with that prayer because we all know how important a good friendship is, but it made me think a little about friendships. Especially adult friendships.

Friendships as Kids

My little sister used to walk up to another kid and say “Hi. My name is Danae. Do you want to be friends?” and then suddenly she would have a new friend! Being a kid, it’s always easier to find someone you know you can be friends with. Usually kids are a bit more accepting, and not so much judgemental. It’s as they get older do the friendships get tricky. My oldest will come home from school upset because sometimes she and her friends will get into fights, or someone said they didn’t want to be her friend anymore. Before she went to school this year, I reminded her what it meant to have a good friend. A REAL friend. My husband and I encouraged her that if she keeps getting into fights with the girls, she considers her best friends, then maybe she shouldn’t be friends with them anymore. Fights happen in friendships, of course! However, they’re not meant to happen every day, all day. As we get to high school, we know more about the kinds of friends we want to surround ourselves with, and the same in college. Do we still have some of those friendships that end up being toxic? Of course. But the good friends outweigh the bad.

So, if I’m saying making friends gets easier the older we get, then why is finding friendships as adults so hard?

Friendships as Adults

Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? When I’m at one of my kids school functions, I always see these parents who are friends with other parents. That’s great and all, but for me I can’t seem to make friends as easily! This isn’t a “poor Carissa” moment, this is just the truth. Friendships are so hard as adults. We’re always busy, and don’t always have the time to put into the friendship like we would want. Is it impossible to have friends as adults? Of course not! My husband and I have friendships with couples that seem to match with us. We’re all busy, we all have kids, finding time to get together seems impossible! Is friendship truly that important?

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:12-13 NIV

A friend loves at all times,
    and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 17:17 NIV

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

Job 2:11 NIV

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.

Ecclesiasties 4:9-10 NIV

As iron sharpens iron,
    so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17 NIV

The Lord has made friendship to be important for us, and something that all of us will long for and want. These verses show us how important having a friend is, especially a good, godly friend. The Lord didn’t create friendship for us to just fight with them. That was Satan’s work! God created friendship so we can build each other up, encourage each other in everyday life, and in a life that’s pleasing to Him! Finding a good friendship can be so difficult, but when you find one it’s worth every second!

What does a Friendship that Fits You Look Like?

I believe that finding that friendship that fits you can come in all different ways. Finding a friendship during the time of motherhood can be extremely difficult. But it isn’t impossible! I struggled with finding a good friend where we used to live. Someone that I could be my complete self with, and I didn’t have to hide who I was. It was hard, and sometimes lonely. I wanted a friend that I could just pack my kids in the car and drive to their house for the day to just hang out. A friend who would do things with us during the day. I wanted a friend whose husband would get along with mine. At one point, I felt like I was being ridiculous, and that I would never find that friend. But then God did something absolutely amazing. He brought me a best friend. A best friend who had kids that were close to my kids ages. A friend who stayed home during the day. A friend who loved coffee just as much as me! (Yes. I believe that is important!!) Our husbands got along great, and they even became really good friends! We would go to their house and play games until early in the morning. We spent two New Years Eves together. We even had a family sleepover once! We found a godly friendship! She’s someone that I call when I’m upset, or when I have some exciting news! She encourages me to live my life for the Lord, and she’ll point me back to Him when she sees me stray! She’s the kind of friend that even when I moved, she drove two hours (with her family!) so they could spend Easter with us! When my grandpa passed away, she was the friend that came to my house at 9pm to hold me as I cried. She’s the kind of friend that I will spend the evening with her painting her hair salon because we hadn’t seen each other in so long, so this gave us a reason to hang out! She’s the kind of friend that spent two days helping me go through my house and packing! She’s the kind of friend that helped move us 2 hours away!

The Lord didn’t just give me a best friend; He gave me a soulmate. He gave me my person, my sister.

God created friendship to be beautiful, encouraging, fun! He didn’t create it to fight with constantly, or to lose contact with and never talk again. Friendship is a gift from the Lord, and I fully believe that! You just need to pray and ask Him to bring you the right friend. You need to trust that He will bring you the person who is going to encourage you to live your life for Him.

Friends, the Lord didn’t create us to be alone. I pray you find that friend, and if you already found that friend, then I am so happy for you! I’m always here to be that friend as well! Remember that the Lord is your friend too, and He is the only one that will never disappoint you! He longs for you to run to Him, and to turn to Him like you would an earthly friend! He is the best of the best!

Until next time, my friends!