One thing that I really can’t stand is when I feel like I have failed. I may not have failed, but I may think that I have. When I get that feeling, it’s so hard for me to shake it off. (Que Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off song!) When I get in the feeling of failing, I automatically give up whatever I’m trying to do, and I go into depression. I start thinking how I can’t ever do anything right, and how I’m never going to achieve the goal that I’m wanting to. Even though I know all of that isn’t true, I can’t seem to get myself to believe it.

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 months now. Within those 2 months I’ve lost 29lbs and 2oz! Now, I know that’s really great, and I’m honestly really proud of myself! But it’s hard to not feel like I’ve been failing at this whole weight loss journey as well.

The Areas that I’m Struggling in

Over Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to enjoy the time with my family, and not be so strict on what I was eating, or when. I completely went off my weight loss journey, and I just enjoyed my time. At the time I was so glad that I did that. I didn’t eat nearly what I used to, and I didn’t force myself to eat either. So I felt like I did really well. However, because I gave myself that break, it ended up putting me into a spiral that I’ve been struggling with gaining control back. Not to mention all the tummy issues I was having!! That definitely showed me that my digestive system cannot handle what I used to eat!

I’ve allowed myself to go in a spiral of eating whatever I want, or snacking on things that I know I shouldn’t. It’s been hard for me to not go to the victim mentality, but to admit that I’m doing it to myself. When I allow myself to play the victim role, I allow myself to be opened to depression and Satan taking those feelings and using them to bring me down.

Basically, all my struggles have been wanting to start eating the way I use to. When I snack, I remind myself what things taste like, and it’s hard for me to step away from the food. Food is truly an addiction to me, and right now I feel like I’m starting over on the withdrawl symptoms!

Steps I’m Taking to get Control BAck

This morning I started a new workout routine. I woke up at 5am, had my first meal, and then started working out at 5:30am. Beachbody on Demand has a program with Autumn Calabrese that I’m using. I really enjoy her workouts, because they push me where I need to be pushed, but she does so well to make them doable by someone who doesn’t workout much! This program is only 4 days for 30 minutes! It’s perfect for me, and my current phase of life. I’m able to get a workout in before the kids wake up, and finish in time to help them get ready for school. I have it planned to workout Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My goal is to stick with this program for a week. Obviously, the big goal is to do the entire program, but I have to take baby steps!

I’m tired of allowing Satan to have control of my emotions, and I’m ready to take control back and give it all to the Lord. I know I haven’t failed, but I also know that I haven’t been practicing the self-control like I need to. My goal this week is to take that control back! I know it will not be easy, but I also know I can do it. Again, one step at a time, and one goal at a time! When I have to make dinner for my family, and I’m really wanting to sneak a bite, I’m going to step back, pray, and take a drink of water. If the feelings are still there, then I need to reach out to my husband for his support and ask him to finish whatever it is I’m making. I know he wants me to succeed, and so I know he’ll be ready to help me!

Forgiving Myself and Moving Forward

My friends, it can be so hard to forgive ourselves. Trust me, I know. But I believe there is a power in forgiving ourselves. Now, I don’t mean the power you would see in the movies or read in books. I mean the power that I believe the Lord gives us to overcome all these struggles!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

These are the fruits of the Spirit that the Lord allows us to have. There are three of them that I want to point out.

Forbearance: Forbearance means patience, restraint, tolerance. In other translations, forbearance is replaced with patience. The Lord gives us the fruit of patience, restraint, tolerance. Knowing this, I want to be patient with myself, allowing myself to learn and to grow. No matter how hard it may be!

Gentleness: When you see this word, you may not fully understand why this is one that I want to point out. After all, I’m talking about the way I view, and feel, about myself. When you think of gentleness, you automatically think about being gentle to others. But I’m using it because I need to be gentle with myself. I’m my worse critic. I will bash myself and be the first one to point out everything negative about myself. That isn’t fair to me. The Lord created me in His image, and I need to be gentle with His creation! Yes, I need to have control, and I need to practice tough love for myself. But I also need to remember to be gentle with myself, because I am working on something that has had control over me.

Self-Control: I know no one likes self-control. I don’t like self-control! But it’s such an important piece! Without self-control, we wouldn’t be able to take care of ourselves properly. I need to learn self-control when I’m cooking dinner, or at an event for our church. I need to know that the joy that I feel in that bite of pasta will not be there all the time. It’s a temporary joy that will eventually be replaced with a feeling of failure. Strengthening this fruit of the Spirit will place a tremendous impact on my health journey from now on.

That is where I’m currently at in my weight loss journey. I know that I have a long way to go, but I also know that I have a faithful God who will be there for me every step of the way! Remember, friends, be patient with yourself, and give yourself grace!

Until next time!