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Posted on December 12, 2022
One thing that I really can’t stand is when I feel like I have failed. I may not have failed, but I may think that I have. When I get that feeling, it’s so hard for me to shake it off. (Que Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off song!) When I get in the feeling of failing, I automatically give up whatever I’m trying to do, and I go into depression. I start thinking how I can’t ever do anything right, and how I’m never going to achieve the goal that I’m wanting to. Even though I know all of that isn’t true, I can’t seem to get myself to believe it.
If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 months now. Within those 2 months I’ve lost 29lbs and 2oz! Now, I know that’s really great, and I’m honestly really proud of myself! But it’s hard to not feel like I’ve been failing at this whole weight loss journey as well.
Over Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to enjoy the time with my family, and not be so strict on what I was eating, or when. I completely went off my weight loss journey, and I just enjoyed my time. At the time I was so glad that I did that. I didn’t eat nearly what I used to, and I didn’t force myself to eat either. So I felt like I did really well. However, because I gave myself that break, it ended up putting me into a spiral that I’ve been struggling with gaining control back. Not to mention all the tummy issues I was having!! That definitely showed me that my digestive system cannot handle what I used to eat!
I’ve allowed myself to go in a spiral of eating whatever I want, or snacking on things that I know I shouldn’t. It’s been hard for me to not go to the victim mentality, but to admit that I’m doing it to myself. When I allow myself to play the victim role, I allow myself to be opened to depression and Satan taking those feelings and using them to bring me down.
Basically, all my struggles have been wanting to start eating the way I use to. When I snack, I remind myself what things taste like, and it’s hard for me to step away from the food. Food is truly an addiction to me, and right now I feel like I’m starting over on the withdrawl symptoms!
This morning I started a new workout routine. I woke up at 5am, had my first meal, and then started working out at 5:30am. Beachbody on Demand has a program with Autumn Calabrese that I’m using. I really enjoy her workouts, because they push me where I need to be pushed, but she does so well to make them doable by someone who doesn’t workout much! This program is only 4 days for 30 minutes! It’s perfect for me, and my current phase of life. I’m able to get a workout in before the kids wake up, and finish in time to help them get ready for school. I have it planned to workout Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My goal is to stick with this program for a week. Obviously, the big goal is to do the entire program, but I have to take baby steps!
I’m tired of allowing Satan to have control of my emotions, and I’m ready to take control back and give it all to the Lord. I know I haven’t failed, but I also know that I haven’t been practicing the self-control like I need to. My goal this week is to take that control back! I know it will not be easy, but I also know I can do it. Again, one step at a time, and one goal at a time! When I have to make dinner for my family, and I’m really wanting to sneak a bite, I’m going to step back, pray, and take a drink of water. If the feelings are still there, then I need to reach out to my husband for his support and ask him to finish whatever it is I’m making. I know he wants me to succeed, and so I know he’ll be ready to help me!
My friends, it can be so hard to forgive ourselves. Trust me, I know. But I believe there is a power in forgiving ourselves. Now, I don’t mean the power you would see in the movies or read in books. I mean the power that I believe the Lord gives us to overcome all these struggles!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
These are the fruits of the Spirit that the Lord allows us to have. There are three of them that I want to point out.
Forbearance: Forbearance means patience, restraint, tolerance. In other translations, forbearance is replaced with patience. The Lord gives us the fruit of patience, restraint, tolerance. Knowing this, I want to be patient with myself, allowing myself to learn and to grow. No matter how hard it may be!
Gentleness: When you see this word, you may not fully understand why this is one that I want to point out. After all, I’m talking about the way I view, and feel, about myself. When you think of gentleness, you automatically think about being gentle to others. But I’m using it because I need to be gentle with myself. I’m my worse critic. I will bash myself and be the first one to point out everything negative about myself. That isn’t fair to me. The Lord created me in His image, and I need to be gentle with His creation! Yes, I need to have control, and I need to practice tough love for myself. But I also need to remember to be gentle with myself, because I am working on something that has had control over me.
Self-Control: I know no one likes self-control. I don’t like self-control! But it’s such an important piece! Without self-control, we wouldn’t be able to take care of ourselves properly. I need to learn self-control when I’m cooking dinner, or at an event for our church. I need to know that the joy that I feel in that bite of pasta will not be there all the time. It’s a temporary joy that will eventually be replaced with a feeling of failure. Strengthening this fruit of the Spirit will place a tremendous impact on my health journey from now on.
That is where I’m currently at in my weight loss journey. I know that I have a long way to go, but I also know that I have a faithful God who will be there for me every step of the way! Remember, friends, be patient with yourself, and give yourself grace!
Until next time!
Posted on November 11, 2022
If you ask my husband what is one word to describe me the best, I’m pretty sure that word wouldn’t be patient. Not that he would ever mean that in a mean way, but my patience runs very, very low. I’ve always been a person who wanted fast results. I hate waiting for things to arrive, and I hate when things take so long. If I am given an option to go home with something right away, I want to do that! If I can make something come in an overnight shipping or two-day shipping, then I’m going to pick that! But when I know I have to wait longer, I get very impatient. Not just with those things, which I know seem very trivial, but also when it comes to my kids helping me in the kitchen. I wish I could be that kind of social media mom that loves baking and cooking with her kids, and posts pictures of them laughing and smiling, having a grand time. But I’m not. I’m really not. Obviously I’ll do it because I love them, and they get so excited to do it with me, but if I could pick to not have them help, I would.
However, there is one big thing that I struggle with, when it comes to having patience, my weight loss journey.
I’ve never always been the weight that I’m at now. I used to be very skinny, because I played a lot of sports as a kid. The weight gain has been in the course of 12 years, from trauma, and emotional eating. I understand that it’s really not an excuse, but that’s how my story started. Trying to lose weight has always been something I’ve wanted to do, but I’ve never wanted to work hard for it. I always wanted to do the fastest way possible. It took a long time for me to realize that I can’t do it that way. I’ve tried diets where people claim to have fast results, and I’ve even tried taking some green coffee bean pills that were supposed to work fast as well.
One thing that I’ve learned is being impatient will not get you what you want sooner. When it comes to my weight loss, I know that trying to get it done quicker is going to actually cause more damage to myself than good. I could get hurt, or even not allow myself the healthy amount of calories because I’m so impatient with losing the weight, that I do things that can actually hurt me. All for the fastest results.
One thing that really makes being patient hard is when I know I’m feeling so much better than I did when I was eating whatever I wanted. But then when I look in the mirror, I can’t see the change. I feel like I am stuck and have lost nothing. Do my clothes fit better? Yep. Do I feel like I have way more energy? Yep. Am I seeing the scale drop? Yep. I can see all these things, and know these things, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier, and my impatience keeps running wild!
Being patient is truly one of the most difficult things to deal with, and I feel that struggle more when it comes to my weight loss journey. I know I need to have control when it comes to being patient. I know that big weight changes will not happen overnight, and that’s okay. What I cannot allow myself to do is get discouraged and depressed because the numbers aren’t changing as fast as I want them to. I see the non-scale victories, but the numbers are still high. So how do we gain control of our patience?
I honestly wish I knew the answer to that. But one thing I know is that the Lord is in control of my life, and He knows my deepest desires. I need to be patient and rely on Him, because He is the one who is guiding my way.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14 NIV
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Romans 8:25-26 NIV
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12 NIV
There are many other verses that show how important it is to be patient and wait on the Lord, and to rely on Him and His plans for us. It’s not a simple thing to do, because I’m still working on it! But I know that if I continue to trust in Him, and to be patient in Him, then I know the Lord will do what He knows is best for me!
My friends, I don’t think having control of our patience is ever going to be something that we will be perfect at. I think we’re always going to have these moments of wanting things done when we want them. But I believe that if we wait on the Lord, and we are faithful in the things that we have to do, then our reward will be great!
This week, instead of getting impatient with myself, or mad, or discouraged, I’m going to work on my patience. I’m going to work on telling myself that slow and steady wins the race, and to be encouraged by all the non-scale victories! If you struggle with patience as well, maybe not in the same way I do, then that will be my prayer for you this week!
Until next time, friends!
Faith and Coffee 