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Posted on December 12, 2022
One thing that I really can’t stand is when I feel like I have failed. I may not have failed, but I may think that I have. When I get that feeling, it’s so hard for me to shake it off. (Que Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off song!) When I get in the feeling of failing, I automatically give up whatever I’m trying to do, and I go into depression. I start thinking how I can’t ever do anything right, and how I’m never going to achieve the goal that I’m wanting to. Even though I know all of that isn’t true, I can’t seem to get myself to believe it.
If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 months now. Within those 2 months I’ve lost 29lbs and 2oz! Now, I know that’s really great, and I’m honestly really proud of myself! But it’s hard to not feel like I’ve been failing at this whole weight loss journey as well.
Over Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to enjoy the time with my family, and not be so strict on what I was eating, or when. I completely went off my weight loss journey, and I just enjoyed my time. At the time I was so glad that I did that. I didn’t eat nearly what I used to, and I didn’t force myself to eat either. So I felt like I did really well. However, because I gave myself that break, it ended up putting me into a spiral that I’ve been struggling with gaining control back. Not to mention all the tummy issues I was having!! That definitely showed me that my digestive system cannot handle what I used to eat!
I’ve allowed myself to go in a spiral of eating whatever I want, or snacking on things that I know I shouldn’t. It’s been hard for me to not go to the victim mentality, but to admit that I’m doing it to myself. When I allow myself to play the victim role, I allow myself to be opened to depression and Satan taking those feelings and using them to bring me down.
Basically, all my struggles have been wanting to start eating the way I use to. When I snack, I remind myself what things taste like, and it’s hard for me to step away from the food. Food is truly an addiction to me, and right now I feel like I’m starting over on the withdrawl symptoms!
This morning I started a new workout routine. I woke up at 5am, had my first meal, and then started working out at 5:30am. Beachbody on Demand has a program with Autumn Calabrese that I’m using. I really enjoy her workouts, because they push me where I need to be pushed, but she does so well to make them doable by someone who doesn’t workout much! This program is only 4 days for 30 minutes! It’s perfect for me, and my current phase of life. I’m able to get a workout in before the kids wake up, and finish in time to help them get ready for school. I have it planned to workout Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. My goal is to stick with this program for a week. Obviously, the big goal is to do the entire program, but I have to take baby steps!
I’m tired of allowing Satan to have control of my emotions, and I’m ready to take control back and give it all to the Lord. I know I haven’t failed, but I also know that I haven’t been practicing the self-control like I need to. My goal this week is to take that control back! I know it will not be easy, but I also know I can do it. Again, one step at a time, and one goal at a time! When I have to make dinner for my family, and I’m really wanting to sneak a bite, I’m going to step back, pray, and take a drink of water. If the feelings are still there, then I need to reach out to my husband for his support and ask him to finish whatever it is I’m making. I know he wants me to succeed, and so I know he’ll be ready to help me!
My friends, it can be so hard to forgive ourselves. Trust me, I know. But I believe there is a power in forgiving ourselves. Now, I don’t mean the power you would see in the movies or read in books. I mean the power that I believe the Lord gives us to overcome all these struggles!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
These are the fruits of the Spirit that the Lord allows us to have. There are three of them that I want to point out.
Forbearance: Forbearance means patience, restraint, tolerance. In other translations, forbearance is replaced with patience. The Lord gives us the fruit of patience, restraint, tolerance. Knowing this, I want to be patient with myself, allowing myself to learn and to grow. No matter how hard it may be!
Gentleness: When you see this word, you may not fully understand why this is one that I want to point out. After all, I’m talking about the way I view, and feel, about myself. When you think of gentleness, you automatically think about being gentle to others. But I’m using it because I need to be gentle with myself. I’m my worse critic. I will bash myself and be the first one to point out everything negative about myself. That isn’t fair to me. The Lord created me in His image, and I need to be gentle with His creation! Yes, I need to have control, and I need to practice tough love for myself. But I also need to remember to be gentle with myself, because I am working on something that has had control over me.
Self-Control: I know no one likes self-control. I don’t like self-control! But it’s such an important piece! Without self-control, we wouldn’t be able to take care of ourselves properly. I need to learn self-control when I’m cooking dinner, or at an event for our church. I need to know that the joy that I feel in that bite of pasta will not be there all the time. It’s a temporary joy that will eventually be replaced with a feeling of failure. Strengthening this fruit of the Spirit will place a tremendous impact on my health journey from now on.
That is where I’m currently at in my weight loss journey. I know that I have a long way to go, but I also know that I have a faithful God who will be there for me every step of the way! Remember, friends, be patient with yourself, and give yourself grace!
Until next time!
Posted on October 26, 2022
This isn’t a typical post that I would go for, because it’s something very personal to me, and something that I’m quite sensitive about. However, I decided this might be one way for me to stay accountable on this journey. I figured, why not bring you guys along on it? This will not turn into a wellness blog, or anything like that, but I thought I would share things along the way!
For as long as I could remember, I’ve always loved food. It was something that always brought me comfort, and whenever my family got together, we enjoy eating! After a while, food became an obsession, and it was something I used to make me feel better. It became an unhealthy habit. I went through a tough 3 years, beginning my senior year of high school. Food became something that I used to make me feel better, and to comfort me. I would end up replacing food with things that would be more beneficial to help me through my emotions. So my love for food was quite vast, and I always enjoyed trying new foods! But there would be a danger, along with this love for food. I would make myself eat so much until I hurt, because that pain was what I had control over. I couldn’t control anything else that I was going through, but I could control that. The amount of weight that I gained was outrageous. But I didn’t care.
I continued to not really care about my weight until I turned 30 and realized the effects of my weight were catching up to me. I struggled with my health, and getting certain numbers where they needed to be. I had tried Weight Watchers a few times, and other diets. But nothing seemed to work for me.
Not only were issues with my health arising, but also emotionally. My weight caused some depression, because I wasn’t happy with the way I looked. Of course, I am the one in control of these feelings, and my weight. However, once I reached a certain pound, I felt like it was impossible to lose any. I essentially gave up hope and thought that I would be overweight for the rest of my life.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV
Whenever I read that verse, I instantly become ashamed of myself. Here I am, overweight, and my body is a temple of the Lord, and I am meant to take care of that body. To honor the Lord with my body. While I believe that the Lord does care about our health, I also do not think I was dishonoring Him. Remember, He knows everything before it happens. He knew the struggle I was going to go through with food. He knew the path this would lead me down. I believe it’s how I handle it now that matters the most.
So here I am, writing this blog that isn’t something that I normally write. Trying to take accountability for myself, and for my relationship with food. I’ve started a new health journey, friends, and it has been difficult. I’ve never struggled so much with a lifestyle change, as I am right now. However, since beginning this change I have lost 14lbs and 6oz in two weeks. I am currently in my 3rd week. Even though I know those big drops have a lot to do with my body adjusting to this new style, I am proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished. This hasn’t been a simple task and I’m tempted by the food that I can’t currently eat, every day. However, the knowledge that I have gained from this program far outweighs the temptations! I’m learning to grow not just physically but also mentally. I’m learning new ways to handle this relationship with food, and the things that are important to change when trying to lose weight. This is definitely not something that when I reach a goal weight, I’ll stop doing it all. This is a journey that I’ll never stop learning about!
I know this post is strange, something out of character for me to post about. But I’m excited to see where God leads! I want to honor Him with every part of my life, weight and all!
Until next time!
Faith and Coffee 